f*cking c*nts

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Ahh yes. That special day of the year when even Americans who don't normally run around pumping up how wonderful and flawless and fantabulous their country is, get misty-eyed when they hear the national anthem.

Also, the day when people who genuinely don't give a fuck get a day off of work to play with explosives while drinking huge quantities of beer.

Happy 4th, everyone!

See now, THIS is what a rape case should look like:

A 23-year-old woman in Heidelberg saved herself from a rapist by biting his penis, police said on Thursday. [...] Police said the man, approximately 30-years-old, tried to force the woman to perform oral sex on him, but she bit his penis and fled.

Investigators believe that the man was injured severely enough that needed to seek medical care, which could provide leads in the case.

Hell yeah, woman!

From The Local, Germany's News in English

So yeah, you may have noticed I've gotten into another bit of a posting lull. Which sucks. I prefer to update the site at least three times a week, but yet another month has come down to bill crunch time, and once again, I am having to divert most of my time towards more profitable pursuits.

That said, I'd really like this site to become one of those profitable pursuits … and to that end, I have opened a CafePress bumper sticker store. :-) There are only 7 designs in there right now, but I've got more ideas percolating as we speak.

So! Help me out, and offend your neighbors at the same time! BUY A F*CKING BUMPER STICKER!

My spambot detection plugin has apparently been blocking real commenters, and slandering their humanity in the process.

The rude little bastard has been deactivated. Comment with impunity.

OK, about a half-dozen posts ago, I said I was writing a more detailed post about America's status as a Christian Nation. Then real life smacked me upside the head, and long, involved posts got put on hold for a while. Finally, here we are.

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS NOT A FUCKING CHRISTIAN NATION*. The founders had this funky idea about the US being created as a nation of personal liberty, and they didn't want some religious assholes fucking that up for anyone who didn't recite state-sanctioned prayers to a state-sanctioned deity. Theocracies have a long, ugly history of oppressing citizens who adhere to non-government-sanctioned religions. Just read a history book about the Inquisition or the Salem Witch Trials. Ask any Christians trying to practice their faith in Saudi Arabia today. Ask an old Irish Protestant or Northern Irish Catholic.

*For the purposes of this post, "Christian Nation" means a theologically-based government wherein religious morality is a valid basis for legislation.

You religious folks should all be fucking HAPPY about this … because it means that nobody can legally fuck with YOU about YOUR religious beliefs. But there's that contingent of Bible-thumpers who seem to think it's their God-and-Founders-given duty to weasel their fucking religious morality into the US law books … and while I suspect many of the leaders of this movement are happily and intentionally distorting history to serve their political ends, a great many of the followers are just plain fucking ignorant of US history and our foundational documents (as evidenced by the woman elsewhere online who, when I said we were not a Christian Nation, used the inclusion of "Under God" in the Pledge of fucking Allegiance as "proof" of our nation's Christian roots).

So, I'm going to sort a few things out for everyone. The United States of American IS NOT and WAS NEVER INTENDED TO BE a Christian Nation. The popular myths that support such an absurd claim are founded in pure wishful thinking, and here's why:

MYTH: The Founding Fathers were devout Christians.
FACT: Some of them were. In fact, most of them can be associated with some at least nominally Christian denominations. However, in day to day life very few of them were practicing "Christians" in any modern sense of the word … many of them were Deists or Universalists, and a few others were downright anti-religious or atheist.

A few salient quotes regarding religion, from a few of the Founders themselves:

• John Adams: "Twenty times in the course of my late reading, have I been upon the point of breaking out, 'This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it!'"
• Thomas Paine: "I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of … Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and for my own part, I disbelieve them all."
• James Madison: "Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise."
• "During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What have been its fruits? More or less in all places, pride and indolence in the Clergy, ignorance and servility in the laity, in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution."
• Benjamin Franklin: "… I have, with most of the present Dissenters in England, some Doubts as to [Jesus'] divinity; tho' it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and I think it needless to busy myself with it now, when I expect soon an Opportunity of knowing the Truth with less Trouble …"
• Thomas Jefferson: "The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." ~Notes on Virginia
• "Question with boldness even the existence of God; because if there be one, he must more approve the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear."

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So, we have a Bible Baptist church in Fairbanks, with a giant electronic reader board that constantly displays obnoxious messages like "MOTHER EARTH?!/YOUR MOTHER IS A DIRT BALL" and "YOU'RE SO OPEN MINDED/YOUR BRAINS FELL OUT". Lovely people really.

Which is why I literally laughed out loud when I spotted this bumper sticker in the grocery store parking lot today:

Bumper sticker of the year, or what? (And you can now buy one from my bumper sticker store!)

A true genius, in my book. A man who had his head on straight, and his priorities well sorted. The world needs more people like George Carlin: People who are willing to tell it like it is, other people's sacred cows be damned.

Take some time to watch some of his stand-up routines, and make a promise to yourself to become more outspoken about the things that really matter … other people's sacred cows be damned.

"I was doing superficial comedy entertaining people who didn't really care: Businessmen, people in nightclubs, conservative people. And I had been doing that for the better part of 10 years when it finally dawned on me that I was in the wrong place doing the wrong things for the wrong people."
— George Carlin, 2001, on the 'mainstream' comedy he performed until 1970

21 hours, 49 minutes of daylight … which is not to say it gets dark. It means the sun only spends 2 hours & 11 minutes below the horizon. Not far enough below the horizon to even think about getting dark. Makes for a hell of a non-stop sunset/sunrise.

It is also to say there is a reason I've only been getting five hours of sleep a night for the past few weeks, and yet I am still functioning. (although according to my ability to catch typos and perform basic mathematical calculations, I may not be functioning quite up to par. ;-)

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This month, we present a collaborative effort between intrepid reader Becca, my baby sister, and yours truly … Yes indeed, f*cking c*nts is please to bring you a second multi-pack of vocabulary-enhancing profane goodness: Meet the [animal]-fucker family!

Not only do these two-part slurs roll off the tongue in a delightfully offensive way, they each have distinctly different connotations. Develop a few [animal]-fucker phrases of your own, and you could spend the rest of your life using nothing but [animal]-fucker insults forevermore! The joy!

• Monkey-fucker: Used to denote someone epically failing at a task. Implies monumental incompetence more than natural stupidity. The sort of person who shouldn't be allowed to carry a loaded firearm, even in a controlled environment [example].
  Thanks goes to Becca for that one. She's such a silver-tongued thing, isn't she?
• Pig-fucker: 1.) An aggressively self-centered, opportunistically backstabbing person. The kind of guy who'd drive drunk with a passenger, careen off a bridge, leave his passenger behind to drown, and then pretend nothing happened when he awoke the next day [example].
  2.) Someone with an inappropriate fondness for the police, given his/her personal circumstances. A 'narc'.
  Thanks to my sister for that one. She still *looks*innocent, I swear.
• Puppy-fucker: A ruthless, rotten human being, who makes decisions solely for their own benefit, usually at the expense of the smaller, weaker or less powerful people in their way. A psychopath [example].
  And that one would be mine … make of it what you will.

There are all sorts of other combinations you could come up with: donkey-fucker, sheep-fucker, rabbit-fucker, goat-fucker … get creative! And again, use them in good health and good cheer. :-)

You can follow Gidget's updates on this new page!

Everybody, I'd like you to meet Gidget.

Freakin' adorable, ain't she?

So … she was being a rambunctious puppy on the front porch the other day. You could say she was bouncing off the walls, except there was no wall there, so she fell off the porch. And somehow, in the 18-20 inches to the ground, she managed to stick her right front leg out in such a way that she broke her elbow.

So, now there's a chunk of her elbow joint kind of 'floating' around in her leg (diagram to come soon), and she needs surgery to pin it back into place. The alternative is to leave it as-is, and let the joint develop such severe arthritis that she'll never be able to use the leg again.

Obviously, I'm opting for surgery. However, as it always seems to go, I'm flat-ass fucking broke this month … and the surgery tomorrow will cost between $900 to $1100. I have $223 and some odd change to my name this week, and the vet clinic likes to get all their money before you take your pet home. I've succeeded in talking them into accepting half up front for a surgery on one of my ferrets years ago, but I'm still pretty far short of the $450-550 that would take. :-(

So, I am uncharacteristically begging for help.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO DONATED!! I just picked her up from the vet, and was able to pay the whole bill in full!

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