Profanity of the Month: Cunt puppy!
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And so we introduce a new feature here at f*cking c*nts: Profanity of the Month, wherein I will suggest new and creative ways to use your not-legal-for-prime-time vocabulary.
What is a cunt puppy, you ask? Really, I have only the vaguest idea … but I thought of it while I was hugely drunk, and it made me laugh, so it goes.
It basically works like this: Calling someone a cunt is all very well and good, but it does give the impression that they are a person of enough consequence to actually get you upset. Calling someone a "cunt puppy," on the other hand, gives the impression that although they are acting like a total cunt, but they're not important and/or effective enough to pull it off properly. It's particularly good prefaced with a condescending adjective: pathetic cunt puppy, groveling cunt puppy, holier-than-thou cunt puppy, etc.
Use it in good health and good spirits!
Bob [to Tiffany]: "You're a total bitch, I hope you rot in hell for ignoring my leters of intention".
Tiffany [to Bob]: "I don't date zealots, perhaps you should have taken the hint you prowling bloodhound cunt puppy!"
Good example usage?
11th March 2008 at 10:01 pm | permalink |@Alpha,
If I didn't know someone on a personal level, but thought that on first impression they might grow to be an endearing friend, could I describe them informally as 'that silly cunt puppy'?
11th March 2008 at 10:12 pm | permalink |Yeah, but puppies are cute.
What about cunt baby platypus?
11th March 2008 at 10:28 pm | permalink |We actually use in my country the term 'halwe doos'(Afrikaans) - which translated means half a cunt. Which is totally useless…
12th March 2008 at 12:12 am | permalink |I totally want to use that… :(… But I'm pretty sure I'd have to explain to everyone that I'm not one of those sexist dudes who hate's vages, so it's not very practical for me.
(yes that frowny face is drooling)
12th March 2008 at 12:23 am | permalink |@fabrulana,
A flap?
12th March 2008 at 2:10 am | permalink |I have often used something similar - "cunt bubble".
An ephemeral cunt who will soon "pop" due to their ineffectualness.
12th March 2008 at 3:34 am | permalink |"Cunt puppy"? Is that anything like a "horn-dog"? Or is it the canine counterpart to "pussy cat"?
I think the addition of "puppy" takes all the oompf and power out of "cunt," which, yeah, kinda defeates the purpose in my mind.
12th March 2008 at 4:49 am | permalink |[...] is no longer Big Mountain. It has been heartily raped by condo lords and rich trendy polyester puppy cunts. Everyone who wants to call it Whitefish Mountain Resort obviously doesn't give a flying [...]
12th March 2008 at 8:12 am | trackback from Whitefish Mountain Fuck Resortcock kitten? no wait, I don't like that at all.
12th March 2008 at 8:50 am | permalink |Once while playing video games one of my friends coined the phrase "Cunt Muffin" to insult someone that had killed him once too often. I don't think we can read the same significance into that phrase as we can with "Cunt Puppy" (although I guess a muffin is somewhat insignificant) but I think it has a really nice sound to it. It does, on the other hand, avoid any undertones of bestiality.
12th March 2008 at 10:53 am | permalink |@auto: I think that totally works! (silly cunt puppy) lol
@fabrulana: rofl you need to tell us how to pronounce that…. I wanna use it.
@alpha: love the new usage AND the new monthly 'thing'. as you can see I'll be stopping by often now that I've found you. freaking hilarious!
12th March 2008 at 12:18 pm | permalink |This calls for a trip to urban dictionary…
12th March 2008 at 1:51 pm | permalink |"…and that brings us to tonights word… CUNT PUPPY!"
That would be a truly epic show of the Colbert Report.
12th March 2008 at 1:57 pm | permalink |@Autodidact: I think "slobbering cunt puppy" would work better in the first instance, but "silly cunt puppy" is absolutely ace!
@Brian Clark: "What about cunt baby platypus?" Hmm … doesn't roll off the tongue quite the same way. hehe
@fabrulana: "'halwe doos'(Afrikaans)" That's freaking great! hahah
@ThePeat: "I'd have to explain to everyone that I'm not one of those sexist dudes …" Hmm. Well, just use it on people who's opinions you don't give a shit about. That's really it's primary target audience in the first place.
@Kendal King Pin: "An ephemeral cunt who will soon "pop" due to their ineffectualness." That's excellent. :-)
Jonathan Schnapp: "Is that anything like a "horn-dog"?" It could be, if it were a horn-dog who was so pathetic nobody would even give him a pity fuck.
undead charles: "cock kitten?" Yeah, that's somehow entirely wrong. lol
@Russ: Cunt Muffin is fantastic!
@Swayla: "I'll be stopping by often now that I've found you." Thanks! :-) (Now, if I could just figure out why your comments always end up caught in the spam filter …)
@Kavan Wolfe: "urban dictionary…" Sweet!
@DavidGX: "a truly epic show of the Colbert Report." I should be so lucky … :-) But that would well and truly kill the server. lol
12th March 2008 at 3:41 pm | permalink |caught in a spam filter! I wondered why they didn't show after I posted them! that's not fair. now I feel sad. :( hrm.. what would be possible reasons for that?
12th March 2008 at 5:47 pm | permalink |@swayla - ok let me try …
halwe doos hmm
hal - would be like the robot entity in the movie 2001 except the 'a' is pronounced more like in 'ha' like in ha ha.
we - would be like 'wuh' where the uh is like when someone punches you in the stomach
(pause)
doos - the 'doo' would like same pronounciation as 'door' but rather end in an s.
Normally we just say 'doos' or another endearing term - when very upset - is 'poes' which is really nasty swear word in Afrikaans. It is pronounced the same way as the word 'puss' in English or the the same word 'poes' in Dutch, but it does not refer to a cat obviously.
13th March 2008 at 12:26 am | permalink |@fabrulana: that's great! im so gonna use that.
13th March 2008 at 12:23 pm | permalink |WOW, I love it. It's an awesome word.
I am going to try that in the chemists on Monday.
I once thought of cockbrain after a heavy irish stout session, but upon googling it I found out somebody had already called it James Coburn….
13th March 2008 at 12:52 pm | permalink |@swayla: Yeah, I have no idea why. What it's *supposed* to do is hold a person's first comment for moderation, and then let them post immediately after they've had a comment approved … I'm looking into it now. [added: With any luck, it's fixed now. :-)]
@nocturna: Cockbrain is excellent … do let me know how cunt puppy goes over at the chemists though, would you?
13th March 2008 at 2:08 pm | permalink |Haha! I love this word! I'm calling my friends that now (in a lovingly way, of course), and their reactions are priceless! xD
Thank you for enlightening me with such a epic word. I'll be sure to get good use out of it. :D
13th March 2008 at 11:10 pm | permalink |@aimee: You, personally, have just inspired me to continue this feature indefinitely. :-D
13th March 2008 at 11:27 pm | permalink |alphabitch, spreading new and interesting profanities to the people.
13th March 2008 at 11:35 pm | permalink |@davidgx: Just my little bit of community service. ;-)
13th March 2008 at 11:38 pm | permalink |@alphabitch and nocturna : I don't know… 'cockbrain' is the same for me as calling some one 'dude'. Kinda means the same thing you know… :)
14th March 2008 at 1:07 am | permalink |@fabrulana: hehehehehe … some of them, yeah. The rest of them, well … only some of the time. ;-) But I can't help but like 'em that way. lol
14th March 2008 at 1:11 am | permalink |I think profanity of the month is a brilliant idea.
Puppies are too cute to make this work for me but I can see "cunt pube" or "cunt zit" achieving the effect…
So now I'm inspired to dream up new and gross terms thank you very much… you smelly brown smeg.
14th March 2008 at 4:50 am | permalink |lol definetly a community service!
hope you figure it out alpha. i don't wanna be spam! :( lol
14th March 2008 at 5:10 am | permalink |woot! you must've done it. i can see me!
14th March 2008 at 5:11 am | permalink |[...] that said rand…that would have been funny) edition without including the newly introduced profanity of the month. Bloody hell. Following that up is a note to all online daters…don't be a [...]
14th March 2008 at 6:10 am | trackback from Friday Tea Time - Rant Edition@puppykiller: Glad I could help. ;-)
@swayla: Oh good. That was just weird. heh
14th March 2008 at 3:03 pm | permalink |[...] Attention affiliate managers of the world: Err on the side of caution and conversation when you screw up. Try and fix the problem instead of attacking the communities that support your company. Slightly Shady SEO went out on a limb and posted the seemingly highly controversial story of Clickbooth and their brigade of lawyers [ALLEGEDLY] throwing around C&D's and [ALLEGEDLY] suing for emotional distress. Bunch of fucking [ALLEGED] cunt puppies. [...]
18th March 2008 at 8:18 am | trackback from Clickbooth [ALLEGEDLY] Likes To Attack Their AffiliatesFollow up: it went rather well, the non english speaking assistant smiles, the english speaking one looked kind of weird but still got me some Olbas oil pastilles.
@fabrulana: I have been told that a dude means a Donkey's penis but I did not know if that was true or not! Is it? Anyway upon googling some more I found the church of dudeism! Dudeism com - The Church of the Latter-Day Dude! So I don't know what they worship but they kinda look like cheech and chong, which is ok in my books.
18th March 2008 at 1:36 pm | permalink |@nocturna: Yay! :-) Glad they gave you your pastilles instead of asking you to leave. lol
18th March 2008 at 2:31 pm | permalink |For the love of me not throwing up go douche yourself you rotten used up infected puss filled cunt puppy.
18th March 2008 at 7:33 pm | permalink |OMG…I just found your blog. I have never met anyone who generates as much cynicism, animosity and a "had it up to here" mentality as I do. I feel right at home…separated at birth, surely.
Newly subscribed and props given to your blog on mine. Let the venom fly…
19th March 2008 at 4:49 pm | permalink |BTW…Cunt and also cocksucker seem to fly out my mouth quite easily, especially when I'm behind the wheel. I personally like cunt-cheese.
Give ya the willies thinkin about it.
19th March 2008 at 4:55 pm | permalink |@jim: Yeah, that was just nasty.
@listerart: :-) Thanks!
20th March 2008 at 12:13 pm | permalink |@alphabitch
20th March 2008 at 1:37 pm | permalink |Be glad I toned it down from I was originally going to put. Yes I realize I am twisted souls who should never be allowed to speak much less use the internet.
I love it! I adopted the name Cuntlet some time ago, because one of my sensual massage customers scanned the landscape and did a double take and said :
"It's so fresh. Its way younger than you. It's definitely a cuntlet"
I was flattered. Kitties, puppies, all good. Love always, Cuntlet
27th March 2008 at 2:20 pm | permalink |@massage girl: I wonder where men come up with things sometimes. lol
27th March 2008 at 4:51 pm | permalink |